uPDATE 7/28/10

3 flyers on the way....

i've also decided to the sex zine all on my own... 3 drawings and maybe 3 poems... i'm not sure yet... but i'm working on that right now...

also the geometry zine.. i just to sketch things out alot before i do em... i want this thing perfect...

i've noticed alot these things are about her... damn, that sucks... damn kidds, and they're impact on me...

i think thats it... stuffs soon....

UPDATE 7/25/10

yo! this aint dead! there's just nothing on the plate right now...the only thing i'm working on, is the geometry zine... even the sex drawings zine, that i had so much hope for is caca.. but fuck it... i'll find a way to make things myself, even if nobody to wants in... uhmmm... i don't have time to keep this updated, but if yr into hopeless scribble peotry.. check out my tumblr... i'd link it for you, but nah.. there's less of a chance of you seeing it, if its not linked.... its youareinfinity.tumblr.com whatever... keep yr eyes posted jerks... i'll try and keep everything on track.... there's more to talk about... but since nobody reads this and nobody cares... its kinda pointless.... so i'll stay quiet....

valleys

the empty gray void. where my best inspiration comes from. the nowhere. the forever stretching onward hopeless.. the lies that lead me there. the feelings of loss and suspicion. the brain is plotting out scenario after scenario of fucked up situations and terrible ideas. and all my third eye does is watch. watch in horror as to whats displayed.... i feel sick. fuck this. fuck this.

experiment in grays and textures

*yes, yes... i know very boring and lame... fun stuff coming soon... just hold yr horses you have to appreciate the hopelessy art stuff too...*

time space failure

me and him call it us is one of my all time favorite bands... i've seen them twice, or perhaps even thrice... and they have been a constant in my top played music for 3 or 4 years. they always set my bummer moods so well... here's the lyrics, for the song that is currently consuming me... "the weight" off the vinyl split with the blue letter

...hahahahaha thats funny....

anywhoos... hey guess what i finally finished the animals on coke design! here's the deal... about four or five months ago, my good friend juan pablo asked me to design a tee shirt for the wonderful animals on coke. his idea was two male bears having sex, with the headline "riding bearback" the drawing itself wasn't difficult... i like drawing and it came out like this...

i gave the bear a tie, so we could distinguish he was male.. hahahahah

i did a rough draft with digital lettering... but it looked to neat.. to clean...

so i spent 4 months!! little by little hand drawing the font in... FUCK, i hate gangstery old enlishy letters, they suck! but whatever i finished the design, last month... so here is the final product.. the hand drawn version...

yeah i know, the letters suck! but thats what makes them unique.. its so much more vivid and natural that way... at least in my opinion... whatever though niggu, it aint like yr opinion on this matter is all dat important...

barry bearenstein and the bad news bears

...ok, for just a second i'm going to pretend like anybody cares, and that people actually read this blog.... ...but just for a second....

unfortunately due to complications the "vos yeux ont ressemblé aux lasers" zine will be cancelled. the matter has become far to complex to put into a zine. and as it continues to unfold, in a most ugly fashion. i've decided its just best to scrap this project or put on indefinate hiatus. don't worry. nobody wouldl of like the zine anyway. the only thing people want to see me draw is gay dinosaurs and colorful guts, so i'll stick with that.

...ok, thanks for listtening.... real post later today... one with gay dinosaurs and colorful guts.... i managed to escape the haunted forest, but the mushroom stew is still giving me spirit visions. and i feel like maybe the great faery was on to something.... but only time will tell...

fail II

1st some prose....

//nervous system youth//

and we sat there in my car and we traded stories. stories of love, loss, and woe. stories from years to weeks ago. and knowing that people have the same fucked up nightmares as you, makes things just a little bit better. seeing yr own weakness in other people, makes things just a little bit better. and i want to wish you the best, but i can't… the best i can do, is only slightly fucking hate you… but this will pass in time. laughing about things that break yr heart really makes me feel warm inside.  and all our memories are black and white photos yellowing with age.  hidden away in some locked file cabinet. only to be looked at in special circumstances. and little by little there fading to dust. and all i'll remember is the fucked-up-ness of it. just the way things were before, they'll be after. and that whole thing in the middle, those events and those things, they're disappearing fast. the history is getting fuzzy.  and like everything else, soon i won't be able to recall any of it...

ok... thanks for paying attention....

this is the second time we can't take pictures because its too late, but's it chillen... its funny seeing people from four years ago... to me thats a god damn long time... hahahahah... these first two photos were taking at work, but i think they perfectly fit the "complex" concept....

004

005

...cell phone towers are my antennas to heaven...

and of course the best of the failed photos....

fail 003

fail 004

ok... so what do you think of my photography style? i took all these photos on a regular digital camera then photoshopped em up a bit.... i know, photoshop bad... but i don't know anyone with a dark room, plus the film camera we got is on the fritz...  regardless, i like these... i'm gonna keep on doin em, wether you like em or not! ahahahahahah, ya jerk!

also, i'm doing the layout for the zine, i'm trying my hardest not to lose interest... c'mon bad feelings, where are you when i need you!!

color is dead

this is a demonstration page for my upcoming zine. when i was in high school i used to do alot of poetry in this style, scribbled on paper, scratches. tear drops.  i think this is a really good change of pace for me.  so far i have about 10 to 12 pages in mind. mostly new writing, but some old, and some new drawings.

i was thinking to myself earlier, will anyone get this? what about the subjects involved? but, i remain assured that not only does no one give a shit, but that this is out of context enough to stand in its own right. but just in case, all names and such have been cut out... plus i think it gives it a better look.

i'm still unsure about the size... but soon i'll get it figured out

the "route solitaire" drawing is almost finished too.. i'm layering on thick graphite to get the sky that perfect shade of purgatory. i think the next series of things will have a tendency to more real ideas, hopefully some photography soon too.

in other sad news astrocosmonauts called it a quits. i really loved them. they were so nice too. i wish my blog had more pull to it so i could help promote stuff like that. there's something really sad about awesome musicians never catching on...

post #58

so there's nothing that's ready right now, but like soon hopefully... this is just a post about posts about stuff... hahahahah

#1: here's a neon navajo design implemented into a cassette, they said they would send me a copy... but as of yet none has arrived in the mail. i'm working on something for them right now, that's not native themed, but just colorful gutsy slime... but i still have to color in alot... so that'll be done soon.

#2: im working on a zine right now... "vos yeux ont ressemblé aux lasers" it started off as a look at the past 5 months in a romantic sense. feelings and gay stuff like that... but i think its turning more into a document of spite and hopelessness... which is still really cool... i'm going to try really hard to get this done so i can xerox a bunch of copies... i want it to be angry, sad, gritty, and weird... i have to do it... i have to make a zine... hmmm... would anybody buy it anyway? nah, probably not...

#3 the same thing with the butter face comic... i want to add a couple of pages and turn that into a zine... so i can have some of my work in print. available... ugh... but being a lazy ass and being busy really fuck up my schedule...

#4 so my photographer moved away... to lead a life of religious fulfillment.... hahahahahaha... anyways... i'm off saturday and sunday afternoon...  so i'm going to drive around town taking pictures of rusted factories and old buildings. i need to take every oppurtinity i have to get myself out there... to whore out and create as much as i can... because, damn, fuck you life... i'm not going to bed without my name slathered all over this cities garbage.

#5: other things that are half done, aoc design (i could finish it within like an hour, i just don't know where it is...) and the route solitaire drawing... that one still has alot of stuff left, but i like how anti colory it is... it'll be done soon too....

... i think that's it... yeah.. that's it... if i could actually finish this stuff up, i would be SOOO proud of myself... but we'll see what happens...

//vos yeux ont ressemblé aux lasers//

i'm working on a new zine. something gritty and fucked. lately i've gone through some feelings.. hahahaha... ..little inside joke, so i told my friend " you know, blah, blah, blah, and i feel terrible and sad" and she started laughing in my face, which made me laugh... hahahahaha... that part was funny... but the point of the story is, i've come up with some really good material for a zine. i know nobody cares, and nobody's going to read this. so here is the introduction...

//vos yeux ont ressemblé aux lasers//

and i don't let these events destroy my concept of caring. even for this loss and woe that i feel. this nightmare. the months of warmth were worth it. yes right now is mistrust, spite, lies, failings, but these feelings are mine and mine alone. thus presented, this is the journal of my heart and mind written and illustrated.

i'm collecting ideas for it now, but if i start playing with christeater, i'm going to sell it at shows...

workforce boredom vol 2

i've been going over the chapters of a novel i wrote 88 years ago. in hopes of recapturing the essance of what i was feeling. i remember that i never felt i had it in me to write a complete novel, but i loved writing short stories. so my plan was to write many short stories that when compiled together would more or less form a narrative. though as i began writing i more or less found my sense, so the thought was kinda discarded. with that in mind, i have been writing paragraphs and pages that do not connect to my novel in a linear sense, but capture the concept and feelings of the work.

here is a paragraph i wrote while bored at work that may or not be connected to chapter seven (the fifth day)

there is a microscopic air war happening in the sun beam light dripping in front of me. my consciousness fades out to a bigger picture. me sitting here in this row of chairs in this empty forever hallway. above me and below me are 100 floors that are exactly the same. i snap back into myself and blow hot breath in the sky battle in front of me disrupting its magnificence. i relax my body and lay my head back in the chair. my eyes roll back and i gaze up into the static yellow white light. my eyes close and i still see orange fuzzy red, blood flowing through my skin. my mind blurs into the smaller picture. individual blood cells and atoms and molecules. a chart of arrows and lines and numbers and symbols. oh geometry or physics or whatever.

 also while bored at work that day i drew another monster... more work monsters to come...

eexxppanndiingg

ism

so art in this case refers to my writing. when i was in high school i wrote several chapters of a novel. a novel that was the parallel of my life. a novel that showed all my paranoia and mistrust actuated. the what if scenario. but time passed and i was never able to finish the project. juan pablo (who's really cool) recently showed interest in one of the chapters i had online. so i sent him what i had written. surprisingly he liked it. so i'm going to try to get back on top of it. so expect this blog to be now filled with random nothingness as i reach back deep into the unhappy, desperate, awkward, lonliness, heartache, fear, and weirdness that was my novel.ism.

// the fourth chapter, the fourth day //

remembered things

useless post... real one coming soon...

things change so much, but not really. fucking kidds... people act.... my memory isn't fading away quite the way i expected it. i still remember alot. those stories are still so fresh in my mind. what defines me? what characteristics do i pass on? what will people remember me for? i never really expected any thing to come true... i was just stating the worse case scenario, so if it did happen, i wouldn't be dumb struck. its still funny though... thats all i can really do is laugh... "fuck it" "whoops" ...inside joke... .....really inside.... ...somewhere between my gut and my intestines... thats what all of this is... these are my intestines... i take everything in pull out the nutrition and turn everything else to shit.
 .......hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahah.....

wind has taken the pollen and blown it all over

**in real (not nonsensy nonsense) news.... a bunch of stuff coming out the pipe-hole... even though NOBODY will buy it or even notice, i'm gonna make an art zine... something with my math art. "geometry 1" other stuff too**